So adoptees are developing a social network like facebook or rude or linkedin or orkut or that one newscorp uses to track marketers. I’m not sure what the ultimate goal actually is, outside of developing walls to prevent curious from eavesdropping on conversations, however that layer of secrecy is problematic. All of us aren’t nearly as private as one of us. And often that privacy is necessary to develop a sense of self. The eclectic, the artist searching for a vision, the hermit contemplating, the solitary writer developing an abstraction free from…
shit I’m totally off topic here.
perhaps my continuous re-embrace of adoption as a central idea and my immediate meandering off topic is indicative of some deeper reactive attachment disorder and I’m fucking with it like it’s a scab. I’ve babled on about adoptee conflict and confusion often enough that returning to it seems problematic, like I’m a shell of my past output, a continuously accreting point of reference around the shadowself of persona enforced by circumstance
The adoptee needs an identity outside of the label adoptee, and most of the adjusted ignore their adoptee status in an attempt to preserve their persona.. it’s people like me, who find the persona, the mask, the act or part to be a little too stifling, and the first act of removing the mask is generally to notice it’s on. Then to show it off as an explanatory gesture when needed.. this is why, this is where, my perceptions of social roles, of group dynamics, formed from this dance of secrecy and identity as a weapon, as a distinguishing factor in the group dynamic that was obfuscated throughout, the meaning was left subsurface, and only the most attuned psychic could possibly disentangle and deconstruct without this evidence, without the sense of what should vs what is, what was.
Again I’m babbling, off so far in my head I doubt there’s another who would follow, find value. Occultic pretension, forcing hurdles against readers lest they should divine the thing I must both face and erase, then climb through the tight spiral of my scar and backward to some otherwhen and forward then from there: Would that it be different.
Even that’s untrue now, though, and with my own life I’ve found that source of love I would not give up. Now the only remaining pain, the faint dismay, the anger that resides lies more at this concern, that identity is that which can be relinguished, kept, barred, held, otherwise denied to me by a man with a badge and a gun. Adoptee Social Networks are already in existence, via elists, on angel networks… To do it instead in this way is dangerous as it make marks of ourselves and because to meet only to revisit that same primal crime of oneself seems contrary to the purpose of the networks mandate. Spread awareness, use a network already in existence. Use Myspace, or Tribe, or Yahoo, or Facebook. (Actually, use Tribe.) To remain tied to this idea that out of many networks there could be the right one is erroneous at best. Stay with the largest, grown in there, because that is the same as meeting on a stage, where in the open these grievances tied so soundly to secrecy can be perfected as an opposition to that energy, that stasis.
Then change can occur within the cultural associations.